You sit across the table from him, fingers intertwined, knees slightly touching, and as you gaze into his eyes you think to yourself… “W. T. F.?! …Is he insane?!”
Have you ever felt like that? Do you ever think that either you’re crazy, or everyone you’re dating is? Perhaps you stare at your spouse and wonder how you could possibly have married such a cuckoo-pants?
This isn’t just a matter of “Women are from Venus, men are from Mars”; I’m talking about that sinking feeling like you just don’t see how your marriage, or you’re dating enterprise, can succeed.
Well, I’m here to tell you, that you are not crazy! But then again… neither are they.
If you’ve been familiar with LifeWork Harmony for some time, you know that our deepest belief is in our unique design, not just as human beings, but as a human being. Its about how I am uniquely different from you, and you from the others in your family, and especially from that person you love sitting across the table from you.
Have you ever wondered why it is that you could love someone so much and understand how they think so little? To some extent, we have all had that experience. And if you haven’t had it with your lover yet, you will have it with your child some day!
I assure you, there is nothing wrong with you. Dating is tricky; intimate relationships are even more so. So why do some relationships succeed so well? Certainly, “luck“is sometimes involved, but there are ways to circumvent luck and assure yourself the same success. In this article I will share some of these methods to doing just so. These tips should help you in your romantic relationships whether you are longtime paired, or still in your search for “the one“.
To begin with the biggest secret to successfully pairing with that “perfect person “is to do a deep and thorough investigation of… Yourself.
Surprised? Perhaps not. You have probably already done some soul-searching, personality or talent assessment, or deep meaningful search for yourself in your life. But tell me truthfully, how much have you applied that information to your love life and relationships?
Do you remember those adorable little charm necklaces people would give away when we were kids? They were in the shape of a heart split down the middle; one person had half of the heart the other person had the other half of the heart and it contained some inscription such as “BFF”. Each half of the heart fit perfectly together with the other half to create one whole heart. This concept of two coming together and becoming one is ancient. The Ying Yang symbol, taijitu, is an example of that concept. One half fits neatly with the other half.
But how can you recognize the half that you are to attach to, if you don’t completely know what the shape of your half looks like? How do you know your differences between your nooks and your crannies? And, how will you know how you can offer your nooks and crannies to the person you were made for? Sometimes divine intervention brings two people together without the thorough investigation of each half. Nonetheless, this couple can greatly benefit from the study of each half to determine how to best support the whole.
Wondering what you are looking for exactly? When studying yourself consider six things:
how do you think?
how do you move through space?
how are you emotionally gravitated?
how do you behave in the world?
what is the style in which you learn best?
how do you prefer to relate to others socially, and intimately?
I suggest purchasing a brand-new notebook for taking down these observations. Note yourself an action, note yourself at rest. Ask yourself the above questions (I suggest you do this out loud. As you do you will have a real conversation with your subconscious) and write down what answers come to you. You have permission to never show this to anyone but yourself if you prefer.
Once you have made a clear assessment and inventory of what you possess which cannot be taught, all that is left to know is what can be taught.
When you see how your brain prefers to perceive, emote, learn, demonstrate abilities, then you will see how very gifted and valuable you are (a.k.a. what a great catch), as well as see where the nooks and crannies exist, you will begin to see where you need another human being. Please do not be confused: every single one of us needs other human beings.
From the vantage point of knowing so much about yourself, where you are gifted, where you have needs, and how you prefer to relate with other people, then you can approach the dating arena powerfully and confidently.
You will inform yourself on the best ways to approach relationship. How you interact best with others. Where you interact best with others. How important your association is when you interact with others? What you are doing when you interact with others? Even what time of day you preferred to interact with others.
From this information you may determine whether online dating is a fantastic idea or not. You may determine you need to invest in the help of your friends to help you find a partner. You may find that you need big huge loud crowded places to find your “the one“. So, phase one requires that you have a mirror.
In phase two you need to have a ruler. A way to measure yourself and measure them. In other words, you need comparison. This is where you begin to study the other person, either your mate, or the one you would like to be your mate.
Basically, you ask them the same questions, either verbally, or through observation, which ever suits your style best. Once you have done a thorough examination of the other person, then you can begin to observe how each of your nooks and crannies fit together.
If tiny gaps exist, do not fret. Human beings needs not only a partner, but also a community. Your neighbors, congregation, club, group of friends, or perhaps even your children, will fill-in those tiny gaps at some point. I would advise you keep another notebook to record the observations in the same way you did for yourself. This may be fun to share with this person in the future, or once again keep it completely private for no one but your eyes.
Phase three occurs when the coupling has already begun. This is a way to look at each of y’alls uniqueness and your level of knowledge and maturity and ask yourself how the whole can be more powerful with a thorough investigation of the parts.
This is where you come together with your partner and discuss openly the gifts, talents, and needs of each person in the relationship. This of course should be done in the style that is appropriate for your brain; regular meetings? One big powerful weekend? Writing in text and letters? Whatever works for you!
This can also be used to divide household chores, discuss financial and even religious concepts. As long you hold in mind that you are each unique, talented, and have needs.
For this wonderful experience I highly recommend that you share a notebook where you each write down your ideas, dreams, and shared observations about the thing that is your couple. Two heads are certainly better than one when they are connected and pursuing the same goal together!
We all need community to support us in our relationships.
That is why at weddings traditionally there are witnesses, groomsmen, and bridesmaids. We need people behind us to support us in our half of the relationship. Therefore, my last tip and trick is to employ and engage the support of your family friends; loved ones who will support you and your decision to be the best soulmate you can be to your partner or the one yet to come.